Saturday, March 8, 2008

Maybe Just A Little Bit

So earlier this week I read this and was kinda chuckling. My mom warned me, when both of my kids were babies, that the "poo" stage was coming and was normal... and that probably I would go in from nap one day and my child would be painting on the walls with her own poo. But it never happened. Nope. Never.

I have been so blessed... until now.

Tonight, I took the girls up for a bath. Aubrey is stripping, Molly is being stripped. I am making sure the tub is the right temperature. Aubrey sits on the potty, Molly is going through the bath toys on the floor, picking out what she wants.

I smell something. Don't think a thing of it... Aubrey is sitting on the potty. I ask her if she is pooping, she says, "nope, I did that down stairs I just have pee pee". OK, I think... someone must have tooted.

Until I see the big load that Molly has left at my feet. And is stepping in. And reaching down to grab.

Aubrey sees this and throws up. At her feet. While sitting on the potty.

I am standing there, and I can't move. I don't know what to do and in the freeze or flight moment. I freeze.

Molly has the poo in her hand and on her feet and is making squishy toes in it.

Aubrey is continuing to gag.

Molly grabs my pants leg, with her poo filled hand and she steps on my foot with her poo covered feet.

I yell, "DOUG WE COULD USE YOUR HELP".

I bend down and toss Molly in the tub, empty the water and let her play while I try to clean up the floor, get the poo off my shoes and strip my pants off, and wipe up the puke. Aubrey is asking me why Molly gets a bath and she doesn't. 'Molly is covered in poo you don't want to go in there.' Aubrey throws up again...

I yell, "DOUG WE COULD USE YOUR HELP".

I get out the Method bath cleaner wipes, I put the poo stuff in a pile. I ask Aubrey to "just stay where you are". I frantically try to keep Molly's hands OUT. OF. HER. MOUTH.

I yell, "DOUG I CAN SERIOUSLY USE SOME FREAKING HELP".

He comes up and just looks at me, he grabs Aubrey and puts her in her room. Then he says, "how did that happen". Um, I don't know. Seriously, I have no idea.

Doug went back down to his dinner. I clean the poo off Molly. I clean the floor. I get Molly out of the tub, I clean the tub. I fill the tub back up, put Molly in. Get Aubrey undressed - she had put her PJ's on while in her room. I get her in the tub.

We have a nice bath time.

All I can think is... God is laughing, maybe just a little bit, at my "ha ha I am so lucky" attitude.

Thank you, I got it. Lesson Learned.

PS Lest you think my hubby wasn't helpful. He is and was. Last night I went to happy hour, today I went shopping with my mom and sister for 4.5 hours and he baked pumpkin bread, made home made strawberry ice cream, made a steak pasta salad for lunch, made a big dinner, and made strawberry daiquiris. He likes the kitchen. But he loves me!

12 comments:

Don Mills Diva said...

Oh my - that sounds HIGHLY unpleasant.

Jenny said...

yeah. unpleasant to say the least.
but so well told as always, I am laughing hysterically!!

Virginia said...

We've had a few poo to-dos around our house too. Sorry to say that these unexpected poo moments don't always end when they leave the toddler stage. I am amazed at your husband's iron stomach. After a poo and vomit fest I don't think I could casually go back to eating dinner :-)

Suburban Turmoil Blog Hopping Weekend...Virginia

InTheFastLane said...

I am sooo not laughing at you. But, I did have to laugh at the complete chaos I am picturing. I am hoping that never again happens to you. Yikes!

Jessica said...

That is horrible! Horribly, horribly funny to someone who was not there!! Kudos to keeping the poop out of Molly's mouth though :-)

Kelly said...

Another great post as always.

Erica said...

Can I have some homemade strawberry ice cream? I'd really like some homemade strawberry ice cream.

Lydia said...

Hmm...reminds me of Tommy's pooping in the tubby phase. At Kelley's with Abbey in the tub. Kelley's response? "Everyone out of the pool. Doodie in the pool." Totally calm and rational - me, I'm freaking out!
Doug's reaction is just great.

My Re of Sun said...

O.M.G. - I have had my mouth covered the whole time reading this so that I don't LMAO and wake Regan. So NOT funny, yet it is one of those stories that you will be referring back to when boyfriend time comes! lol

Suburban Turmoil said...

Laughing with you- not at you!

Seriously, I just read that aloud to my husband! :D

rebekca said...

I'm glad you clarified with the Lord that your lesson was learned.

There is no need for lightning coming anywhere near poo.

anne said...

OMG....that is hysterical. :)

It reminds me of when Claire peed on the floor before a bath, slipped in it and fell face down in her own pee, which was then dripping off her face with the blood from the cut above her eye.