Next week I have to go to a very important conference for my work. It is basically the one "show" that will determine our business for the year. This is the first year I am being required to go - the last 3 years I have been breastfeeding (05), pregnant (06), or breastfeeding (07) and was able to say no. This year I am none of the above and being required to go.
This will be the first time I will be away from my Molly for more than one night. My heart is completely breaking. I am a crazy person thinking about being gone for 5 full days (6am flight Tuesday, 9 pm fligh Saturday). I am an emotional wreck thinking about missing them and wondering who will brush Aubrey's hair the way I do, or give Molly a little extra slack just because she is the baby, who will help them brush their teeth and give them a little extra treat, just because. I know their daddy and their grandparents will spoil them rotten. But I want it to be me. I want it always to be me. Because I do it just that little bit differently, I am the mom. I know what they need before the ask. I know when they are being silly and when they are truly being ornery. I know with a glance whether their tears are real or not so real or whether it is pain or hurt feelings or just because they are tired and aren't getting their way. I know the best way to distract each of them from what is making us crazy.
I am the mom. I don't want to leave them -even for one night, let alone two nights and in this case 5 nights.
I love them so much. I will miss Aubrey, Molly, and Doug while I am gone.
But I will probably, for at least one night, enjoy a bed to myself and sleeping in.