Thursday, February 7, 2008

Travel Dread

Next week I have to go to a very important conference for my work. It is basically the one "show" that will determine our business for the year. This is the first year I am being required to go - the last 3 years I have been breastfeeding (05), pregnant (06), or breastfeeding (07) and was able to say no. This year I am none of the above and being required to go.

This will be the first time I will be away from my Molly for more than one night. My heart is completely breaking. I am a crazy person thinking about being gone for 5 full days (6am flight Tuesday, 9 pm fligh Saturday). I am an emotional wreck thinking about missing them and wondering who will brush Aubrey's hair the way I do, or give Molly a little extra slack just because she is the baby, who will help them brush their teeth and give them a little extra treat, just because. I know their daddy and their grandparents will spoil them rotten. But I want it to be me. I want it always to be me. Because I do it just that little bit differently, I am the mom. I know what they need before the ask. I know when they are being silly and when they are truly being ornery. I know with a glance whether their tears are real or not so real or whether it is pain or hurt feelings or just because they are tired and aren't getting their way. I know the best way to distract each of them from what is making us crazy.

I am the mom. I don't want to leave them -even for one night, let alone two nights and in this case 5 nights.

I love them so much. I will miss Aubrey, Molly, and Doug while I am gone.

But I will probably, for at least one night, enjoy a bed to myself and sleeping in.

9 comments:

My Re of Sun said...

I konw that it is hard for you. There are things that are hard for me too, but I try to make the most of it too. Think about all the LOVIN' you will get come Sunday am - bright and early, I'm sure!!! GL with the trip too!

InTheFastLane said...

I am still not good at leaving my kids, especially Jack Jack. 5 nights does seem like a long time. That must be hard.

Lydia said...

Think of it as a lesson in handing over control....Doug and the girls will miss you terribly and appreciate you all the more when you return! And you might get a few nights of good sleep while you are gone!

Jessica said...

I know, it's tough...but you can do it. And, even if you never ever admit it to a singe soul, I bet you might enjoy just a tiny bit of this mommy-free time. If you let yourself. No one will do it the way you do, but that's okay. That's what makes you the mom, and more importantly, THEIR mom. And you will get ticked off/annoyed by something that happens while you're gone. Something that is not done/handled the way you would have. But it's okay.

**I will not see my children from bedtime on the 15th until they get home from daycare on the 19th, so this is as much for me as it is for you ;-) Although I have spent consecutive nights away from them and realized it probably did all of us some good**

Kelly said...

I love what Jessica said.

And to use some words of wisdom you have given me~~your girls will enjoy bonding with Doug and the way he does things. Nope~~it isn't the same as having Mommy there, but they will enjoy it. And he will treasure this time.

So...YOU treasure this time to be Emily the Conference-Attending-Woman. Enjoy that big bed!!

Jessica said...

P.S. I notice you didn't include Max in your blog...aren't you going to miss him too?

:-)

anne said...

HUGS!

And don't forget that you can knit on the plane: http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/assistant/editorial_1252.shtm

rebekca said...

Can you ask Doug to take a picture of Molly's hair if he fixes it?

He could post it for you and make you smile. or laugh. or wet your pants.

No offense, Doug. I am aware that hair may very well be your forte. But, you can't do it like mama.

Enjoy the quiet while it lasts :)

Rollingthunder said...

I agree, no mention of Max? Geez.

I plan to have baseball hats the whole time. Dreadlocks aren't so bad right?